Flyin Solo

Being newly single has not changed me but has allowed me to be myself. I've always found it difficult to be a stripper and be in a relationship. I'm layin low and I totally have no desire to date anyone where I work. For the first time in my life I'm feeling like I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I get lonely and miss the intimacy of being with a partner but I'm learning that it's ok. I have a lot to be thankful for and I'm so grateful for the friends I have in my life right now. Without them or without my business I would be totally lost and miserable. I was in that place a year ago and I never want to be there again.  A lot of people think strippers are lost souls, some are but I'm not lost. I'm on a journey of learning and discovery. All I desire is to be able to walk through this life with the ones I love and the ones that will allow me to love them.  I don't act out like I used too. I love what I do and for an old cat like me, I think I've still got it and them some. If I can shine some light in someones dark space then it's all worth it. I want to set an example for women, strippers or non strippers, I've been to those dark places and I understand. Women that come into the clubs are from all walks of life and I don't pass judgment on anyone.  I've changed my way of thinking and how I see myself. I am constantly reminded of where I came from and I'm very humble right now. I chose to leave my home, marriage, lifestyle and now I have to start all over again all because I was living with someone who I couldn't connect with. This transition is a huge wake up call for me. I had a wonderful man in my life that was amazing for so many reasons. I didn't want to live in a lie or hide who I am. He was embarrassed by me. I wasn't proper enough for him. At least I was pretty enough but I feel that's it.  I have the mouth of a sailor and I tell it like it is. I know I was a great wife but I have a lot to learn. One day I'll find someone that can be my equal and that wants to be a part of my life. I hope one day he finds the same. I've always scared men. Once they get to know me and my adventures things change. I see humor in certain situations because that's how I learn.  People are shocked but sometimes that's my defense. I like to see how much they can handle. I haven't harmed anyone or myself in the process, not that I know of and the ones I have, I've made amends.  I've just had a real good time doing what I love. Guys just get a little intimidated or insecure with how confident I feel about myself. From time to time I have my days but who doesn't?  I hope to find someone one day that accepts me for who I am and that will take the time to get to know me. The lesson learned recently for me is that if people love me then they will make time in their life to be with me as a friend or partner. I'm very particular, much more selective than I used to be. I'll be everyone's friend but at the end of the day I enjoy being with someone who I can really laugh and love with. Laughter is the way I deal with the seriousness of life. I don't need to be rescued this time. I'm not ashamed of who I am or where I came from or even the choices I've made for myself.

In the mean time the loneliness comes in waves but I just continue to bond with my ladies and they walk me through it with love and support. Those ladies know who you are ;)